Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
