Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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