I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
