cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
