got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
