i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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