Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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