i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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