She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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