I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize