My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
