just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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