is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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