i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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