Screwed.edu
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
