WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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