it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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