I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
