Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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