I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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