im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
