He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
