Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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