I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
