It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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