I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
PANTIES FOUND
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