Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
