god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
