That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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