If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
