I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
