Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
