Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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