Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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