If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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