Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
