Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
