everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
