I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
