How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
