I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
