That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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