We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
