just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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