If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
