just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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