Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
