His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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