6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
