Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
