it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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