I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize