Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
