I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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