Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize