It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
