taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize