who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
