apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
