Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
