hell yes lets make some ravioli
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize