Just fell off a train. Bad.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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