I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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