The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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