p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I party with great urgency now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize