So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
