Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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