On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
PANTIES FOUND
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
