Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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