Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
