yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
