why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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