There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
