i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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