I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
