Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
